Summer@Home: What I Learned, Part 2

In addition to what I learned about stuff ... what I could do without, and what I really missed ... I learned a lot about relationships and the people around me.

PART 2: What I learned about relationships

I learned that help can come from places you don't expect. 
There's a clique in my neighborhood. I'm not really "in" it, but I'm not exactly "out" of it either. My kids don't go to the neighborhood elementary school. They don't play tackle football at the local park, which seems to be the thing to do. None of them goes to my church. So I've always kind of skirted the edge of this group of women who have a lot in common with each other, but not necessarily with me. 

But that doesn't mean that when I needed them, they didn't come through. One gave Sandy countless rides to and from football practices. Several ran to the grocery store or would even text me from the store: "I'm here! Do you need anything?" They brought meals and returned books to the library.

One gentleman in the neighborhood — the father of a friend of mine — drove Joshua and Jordan to school for two weeks while Herb was traveling. My across-the-street neighbor and I got to know each other a lot better, and we even did a Bible Study together this summer.

I learned that my neighbors have got my back just because that's who they are. I hope I get to return the favor.


 

...And from places you do expect, but you're still blown away. 
I don't know what I would have done without my in-laws in town. They moved here in late January, and I went into the hospital on February 10. If that's not God's timing, I don't know what is. 

Or without the loving moms at Perimeter Christian School. 

Or my close friends.

Or my mom, who was getting over her own illness.

Or my amazingly wonderful, sacrificial husband, who probably endangered his job to serve me.

(And even my ex-husband.)

They drove my kids to school, home from school, to dentist's appointments, violin lessons, camps, the library, and everywhere they needed to go. They took me to the grocery store, and bought my groceries for me. They drove me to my kids' games, school meetings, and concerts and home again afterwards. 

My in-laws learned the geography of this area out of necessity, and probably a lot quicker than they would have otherwise. 

Most everyone who knows me ended up serving me in one way or another. And that has helped me grow in humility and thankfulness. Again, I hope to return the favor.


I learned how much of my talk time with my kids comes in the car. 
When I'm with my kids in the car, there aren't a lot of options for what to do. And generally, they're fresh from something: school, sports practice, music lesson, or a friend's house. So it's good talk time. I can ask them what they did or what's going on, and they will generally tell me. I found that when they rode home with someone else, they had that conversation with someone else. So when they got home, they were ready to move on. I missed a lot of the details of their lives that way. 

But the biggest loss, I found, was car talk time with my teenager. There's something about rides in the car that makes a teenager OK with talking to you. Maybe it's because you aren't looking each other in the face. Maybe because it's more casual. After all, you're in the car going to somewhere or coming home from somewhere. It doesn't seem like such a big deal to talk then because it's not the purpose. Transportation is the purpose. Talking is just a bonus.

I missed the rides home from sports practices or games. I missed the rides to and from youth group. In a house full of people, sometimes the only one-on-one time we had was in the car. I did learn to compensate somewhat. I'd stay up to be available to him when he got home from a game, even if it was at midnight. I'd sit with him while he ate his leftover dinner, or go up to his room and check on him while he was doing his homework. I sent lots of texts, and probably got kind of obnoxious about it. But when you don't have the regular opportunities to talk, sometimes you have to manufacture them. 

I learned the importance of girlfriends. 
One of the things I missed the most when I couldn't drive was seeing my girlfriends. I missed being in a discipleship group. I missed hanging out at the church bookstore with one of my good friends while Joshua was in ballet. I missed taking my kids to class play dates — when the moms got the opportunity to talk and bond — instead of just arranging a ride for them. I arranged a lot of rides with wonderful, servant-hearted women, but I rarely had the opportunity to talk to them or spend time with them. That made me feel very isolated.

But I also missed the divine appointments. Seeing someone in the halls at school or at the library or a baseball game. It's incredible how much I missed those chance encounters. Not having them made me feel even more isolated.

So what am I doing about it? I'm in a discipleship group with four other moms of young boys at Joshua and Jordan's school. I'm doing a 40-day prayer challenge with another group of women. I'm back hanging out at the bookstore during ballet. I'm doing carpool ... and loving it! (I never thought I'd say that!) And maybe I'm overdoing it to compensate, but it feels good. So good.

So that's what I learned. 
How much of it will stick? All of it, I hope. 

I hope I look for ways to serve those who served me. On my first day driving, I was blessed to take two friends' kids home from school. On Wednesday, I had a car full!

I hope I stay thankful for everything I can do, and everything that has been done for me. 

I hope I always have a group of girlfriends around me for inspiration and accountability. And fun! Don't forget fun!

I hope I never stop talking with and listening to my kids ... wherever we are.

I hope I remember how to do more with less. 

Oh, and I hope I can keep my car clean. But I doubt it.